mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
