she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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