saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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