Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
