im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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