i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She told me I should be a condom model.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
