WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
