Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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