hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
