Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
