We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
