In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
