At least make sure they are 18
Why
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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