Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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