Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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