I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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