R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Randomize
