Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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