I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
