I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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