false alarm. still invincible.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
