Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
