my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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