everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
