Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Less talking, more tequila
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
