you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
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well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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