saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
what day is it and did you see me today?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
