I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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