if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
