I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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