will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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