My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Rumble strips road head = magical
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
