I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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