dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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