great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
