Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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