u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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