saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
