soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
