i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
