she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
