my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
