im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
