My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
