Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
