Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
