vagina is talking i cant
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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