I am in a vortex of obligation.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
