I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
