her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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