I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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