Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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