he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
