This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
