I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
