Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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