then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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