I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
