I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
