My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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