White coat. Heels.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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