I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
