i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
