Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
